Earlier today, Norton B. Frank, struggling Head Advertising Executive of a faltering “male enhancement" supplement manufacturer, stress-purchased a piece of unassuming fruit from a vendor in the Feeb City open air market.

Unlike your typical store-bought produce, it was a bizarre looking thing—something like a peach had Maximal High Intensity Long-Lasting Intercourse™ with a banana or plantain—with a potent and vaguely menacing aura. Compelled by its phallic shape and provocative grooves, Norton ate the thing anyway.

And hey! it tasted so good that he actually stopped dead in his stride and said “Wow!” (loud enough, in fact, to send a nearby rat scampering from its lunch of soiled sweet corn tamale). For a second there, Norton figured that all he needed was a little bump in blood sugar; that this piece of fruit had just singlehandedly salvaged his afternoon. No: quite the opposite. Poor guy. Within two minutes of the first bite Norton began to levitate, hovering slightly off the ground before inching upwards, pace gradually increasing until he reached the patch of air where he currently resides. Splayed out like a starfish, Norton is now hovering equidistant between two buildings—one of which, incidentally, hosts the office space of one of his company’s main competitors. Jokes on them: Norton is now enjoying a view better than any office or apartment anyone in the male enhancement supplement industry (save for maybe the big wigs) could ever even think to aspire to. After all, what better excuse to miss his various evening obligations than a sudden and inexplicable supernatural handicap? 

People look up at Norton and laugh, not realizing the gravity of the situation. It is funny, yes… but also the beginning of something sprawling and highly sinister. If these people realized the gravity, they would be screaming… probably. What was up with that fruit? Assuming he survives this, how many nights will Norton be kept awake now, trying, against all good sense, to remember the sneering mug of the man who sold him that fruit, meanwhile being visited, during precious brief lapses into sleep, by an enormous man, reclined in a windowless basement, surrounded by peels…