Here at Fort Fireproof (so-called in an effort to distract any potential enemies/invaders from the fact that the entire thing is scaffolded by wood, all moisture-proofed using extremely flammable linseed oil), it seems like the silence is only ever broken by gunfire. Or artillery. Loud incendiary noises. Conveying harm. The moniker has worked so far: thirteen sieges since the beginning of the year, and none have succeeded.

Unfortunately, however, it’s looking like this might be the one: the end of Fort Fireproof. The army of Jib Pendleton VIII attacked just as His Majesty Victor Victorious finished the happy birthday toast, aiming to kidnap and ransom the huge amounts of gentry who had gathered to honor Bendy, Royal Dachshund, on her third birthday. Evil. Thankfully, the gentry (including of course Bendy and Victor have been stealthily evacuated. Only people left are a handful of guards, standing watch, guarding what remains of His Majesty’s liquid assets, stored in various cellars around the fort. Meanwhile, enemy combatants sit around in the husk of Victorville, surrounding the fort, taking pot shots here and there.

Today, as per usual, the morning is christened by a crack—no, two cracks: gunshots, high caliber—and, good God, there goes Pvt. Screamy, falling limp and contorted from way up on the battlements. Not screaming, shockingly… no, instead, his fall is made audible via noises of impact: the crack, a thud, a cringingly rough sounding series of crashes, and a final slam as Screamy plummets into one of those corrugated metal roofs down in the trenches, collapsing the awning over the designated Ceramics Storage area. Plenty of cushy camouflage netting he could’ve landed on, but nope: it had to be Ceramics Storage, probably among the worst places a corpse could ever hope to land, outside of the obvious hazards (lava, spikes, etc, etc.) Ouch. Needless to say, Pvt. Screamy is no longer with us. That makes five casualties just this week, and it’s not even Wednesday. 

Pendleton’s final push has begun… and the rest of the Fort Fireproof is too jaded to notice. They’re sitting around, playing games, swordfighting with sticks, just kind of waiting around, hanging out, biding their time for the day when the Enemy swaps to heavier artillery, and discovers, finally, how Fort Fireproof really isn’t so fireproof after all.